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Fernando Torres to Celtic ? RTP.

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We need to respect the patter at this blatant work.

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Atletico Madrid v Celta de Vigo - La Liga Photo by Denis Doyle/Getty Images

We said we’d be back today, and the latest news circulating online regarding Celtic was a ridiculous rumour of how we could make a SHOCK SWOOP for Fernando ‘that one’ Torres!

What a story to come back to.

34 years old, in the twilight of his career, having ‘been there and done that’ in fitba, but instead of going to see out his days for LA Galaxy, like most of the big dogs who have had their day, he’s going to motivate himself to play at New Douglas Park and Firhill before he retires.

As I said, I respect the patter, but it seems the days of Teletext Clubcall are back, only instead of phoning up to be lied to for £1.50 a minute, it’s kindly done to us for free.

What a time to be alive.

In saying that, Torres is an avid fan of the works of J.R.R Tolkein, so with that in mind, it’s fitting that this story between Torres and Celtic is one of sheer FANTASY.

Here all week.